It’s really fascinating to me that after moving into a life of complete uncertainty and constant change over a year and a half ago, I’m still learning how to let go and move on. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought for sure these were concepts that I would have been able to pick up and adjust to by now. It seems to me that others who travel somehow feel comfortable in the unknown future of change and transition, but until a few days ago I couldn’t say I was one of them.
I’m not sure what happened to me, but a few days ago as I was sitting and meditating on the beach (a daily ritual for the 3 weeks I was living in Den Haag) I felt something new come upon me. A sense of peace, belonging and strength filled my soul and left me…for the first time ever,…feeling complete confidence that I am where I’m meant to be and doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing at the very time that’s best. This wasn’t a conscious thought or mindset that I could pinpoint at the time, but the conclusion I’ve come to after reflecting on it for some time afterwards.
It happened in a moment…I suddenly didn’t feel so uncomfortable with the fact that I’d be transitioning to a new place again soon…or the discomfort of the unknown future. I felt a calmness in the unseen and even in the unpredictable. It was also the first time I was able to feel excitement for the shift ahead…anticipation in what will come my way rather than anxiety in those things which I won’t know before hand.
At this same time, things quickly came into place with some additional aspects of my stay in Europe over the next 2 months which, in turn, added to my sense of empowerment. I’d also been feeling blocked in creativity for a couple weeks in regards to my writing and although it didn’t completely resolve, I was able to receive some clarity and inspiration again.
As I was talking with a friend, he asked what it was that was different about this meditation. I can’t say that I know what caused it or why I instantly felt such a deep connection, but I believe it had to do with how empty the beach had been and my ability to finally focus. Somehow in the past year and a half I had untrained my own ability to meditate amongst distraction and as a result, it had been months since I’d felt that level of depth within. It made me realize how superficially I’d been focusing on all aspects of my life and how I’d allowed myself to experience extreme levels of stress without needing to. These are lessons that I felt I had already learned and graduated on from, but it turns out I needed the reminder.
For the first time in YEARS I feel a sense of belonging…not to one place or group of people, but to this life that I’ve taken on. I feel absolute joy in the process of experience that I’ve chosen to embark upon…and honestly, even many of the issues that I’ve had with and about myself have suddenly lost their power over me…and I’m left with nothing but love and satisfaction with exactly who I am and what I have to offer. It’s true I’m not meant for everyone…but I Am who I am and I’m completely comfortable with that for the first time in my life. In fact, I honestly wouldn’t want to be anybody else!
My life is magical! Not every moment is like a fairytale, but so much of them can be…and the other ones are still better than anything I allowed myself to experience before. I get to travel, meet new people, live in some of the most beautiful towns and cities in the world, experience new cultures and try out things that I’ve always been curious about. My life is amazing…and I’m so grateful I finally understand what I have!
Moral of the Story: Life will never be as fulfilling and satisfying as it is when you come to a sense of absolute peace within yourself about who you are. Don’t waste your life believing you’re less than you are…choose to feel strength and love for yourself TODAY.