I’m here. In Hanoi, Vietnam. But what am I doing? It’s the same question that comes up at the end of the days when I give myself time to reflect…mostly because something has forced my introspection. I spend so much of my days distracted…unfocused…trying to live in the moment and yet unable to see tomorrow. What comes of it? I’d like to think that the bigger picture is strong enough to bring itself about through the minute steps I take forward and backward at the same time…but the fact is…I don’t know if it is. I don’t know if what I’m doing is moving forward more than tiny steps or I’m just moving forward far enough to lose site of yesterday. I often don’t know what I’m doing and am aimlessly striving to shuffle my feet in the direction that will hopefully pay off for my long-term objectives…but without a clear vision of how to get to those places, can I actually be headed that way?
I’m easily distractible. I’d like to think that I’m not, but I know enough to recognize the signs. We all get caught up in life, but what if the life I’m meant to live is the few moments of focused realization that I get between the hours of constant distraction?
I’m not sure how to get from here to there…and sometimes it doesn’t seem possible, but when the dreams are so big is it really possible to avoid them? I can’t imagine having such big dreams meant to accomplish only the slightest of what I’m allowing myself to do…but at this pace it seems that may be the overall outcome.
Here I go, rambling once again about these things that I want to do…and yet in the morning the importance of them takes a sudden back seat to the unimportant issues of today. Highly distractible. I know that’s not rare, but if I don’t step up to realize these dreams who will?
The steps of today create the journeys of tomorrow. I understand that…but what if I’m spending most of my time walking in circles trying to find the end? These perpetual cycles of behavior can’t be leading to the end point I so greatly desire, can they?
In my search for self, direction and meaning…can I somehow be overlooking the purpose of it all? Maybe it’s time to go back to the greats who have done it before me. Those who have searched for meaning and found definition in the undefinable. Is the answer to everything in letting it be?
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” Lao Tzu